Comfort.

trigger warnings for alcohol and drug mentions

Sometimes you seek comfort in the arms of strangers and that is alright. You crave physical intimacy, and you shudder at the sensation of unfamiliar lips on your own. Their bodies become maps to new worlds. "Touch me here," they whisper, and your hands slide over their skin in a place you never got to explore with someone else.

Sometimes you seek comfort in the company of slurred words and a spinning mind. There is a painful clarity in a high that is seamlessly painless. You do not understand it, but it feels like it understands you. You escape. Come back. You need you.

Sometimes you seek comfort in solitude. You feel the springs of your mattress underneath your body and think "I will not leave my bed today". The curtains are drawn and you lie on your side, tears sliding quietly into your pillow. I draw back quickly - some things are too private even for a lowly narrator to speak on.

Sometimes you seek comfort in friends. You reconnect with people you always meant to get back to but never did. You relearn them, and in the process you flame the smoking embers of what you used to be. You rediscover the joy of late night drives and early morning conversations. The constriction in your throat lightens in their presence.

You learn the difference between comfort being a distraction and comfort through an escape.

You will always seek comfort
sometimes in the unlikeliest of place
and sometimes in the usual avenues,
and sometimes you find it.

"You will fall in love again."

You will discover that different cultures have different ideas on love because, well, love is different for everyone. In Indonesian and Malay languages, love is ruled by the liver. In your mind, love is ruled by the unattainable now.

You will love again.

You will love the creation of art - the tap tap tap of your keyboard as you rhythmically key words together to create vivid works that sear across the imagination; the gliding smooth roughness of a brush over your canvas smearing colours that blend together to capture emotions in a way words cannot describe; and the feel of air whipping over your skin as you move through the steps of a dance. They say that heartbreak creates the best art. Whether or not this is true, I do not know. But wouldn't you like to find out?

You will fall in love with your friends all over again. Perhaps you have taken your friendship for granted, or perhaps you have not seen them in a while. Maybe you could see nothing but their negative traits, little quirks that annoy you, in recent times. But once they receive the news, you will discover the best friends you could ever have. You will rediscover the ability to laugh and cry all over again in a safe space.

You will learn to love yourself. You will remember that you wake up everyday and keep going, and that there is beauty in your strength and endurance. You will hear your laughter and you will not cringe away from it. You will feel your saltwater tears sliding down your cheeks and marvel at your capacity to withstand. Your version of self love may vary from day to day - some days it is pizza in bed, other days it is your body covered in sweat that drips to the floor around your feet.

There are many different forms of love.

There is only one you.